Rise and flicker
I’ve discovered another aspect of ‘being a writer’ that I really miss. Allow me to explain with a brief example:
Friend of friend: So are we ready to go yet?
Friend: Everyone except Oliver.
Friend of friend: Why, where’s he?
Friend: Sleeping.
Friend of friend: It’s 2 pm!
Friend: He’s a writer.
Friend of friend: Oh. Nevermind then.
For reasons beyond me(and ones I choose not to explore out of hedonistic self-preservation), it seems that writers are allowed completely alien mannerisms. It’s the ultimate green light. No matter how bizarre or perverse your activities are, tossing the phrase “I’m a writer” around will inevitably elicit reluctant nods of approval from the understanding, if slightly disturbed standers-by.
Once this ‘real work’ gig is over I am going to exploit that aspect of writing to its fullest. Why wallow in my self-inflicted, pseudo-artistic misery in some darkened room when I can share it with the world and suffer no particular consequence? What are they going to say; I’m insane? That’s a fucking plus in my books, buddy.
So far I’ve thought of nailing stray cats to the the doors of any conveniently near-by PETA offices, rolling around naked in feces and subsequently running around yelling “I am the personification of urban fantasy”, putting on a street performance act entitled Nailgun Meets Your Face in a crowded subway and ordering from the breakfast menu at McDonald’s at lunchtime.
Before I get there though, I have to face reality. It’s grim. Someone knows just what I need:
I need your discipline
I need your help
I need your discipline
You know once I start I cannot help myself
-Discipline by Nine Inch Nails
Trent Reznor, one of the few people whom I am genuinely “oh my gawd sign my tits” about, has released the latest Nine Inch Nails album free. Click on the below image to download your own copy of The Slip. The quoted track and album aside, discipline is precisely what I need. I think I’m getting there though – despite my nocturnal habits, the prospect of money does a damn fine job of waking me up each morning. Or was it coffee?
nova said,
May 26, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Hi there. I found your blog from Missing Mojo. I didn’t realize that by being a writer I could get away with such things… I must take advantage immediately. Oh, and “Nailgun Meets Your Face” sounds fascinating!
Oliver said,
May 27, 2008 at 3:07 am
Why thank you. I rather think it’ll go over well myself, provided that I have enough nails to aptly demonstrate the practical applications of violently pierced cartilage. Fuck Martha Stewart, I can turn someone’s face into a keyrack in 15 seconds flat!